Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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