Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
