Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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