just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
