Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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