youre lurking in front of me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
