You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize