When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you win again, gameday.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
