If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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