i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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