i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your cock deserves a montage
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
