I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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