This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
