if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize