Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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