The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
