How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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