Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
