I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
