You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
