Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
