you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
