I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize