So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
