He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
