how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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