i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
