Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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