If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize