After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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