He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
