I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
