the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
