He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
