dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
