I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
