ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
