What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
