Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
