i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
