It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
