Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
