I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
