Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
