Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
