I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
