I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
