we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
