i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
