I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
