hell yes lets make some ravioli
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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