Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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