I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
