In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
