What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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