I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
