fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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