well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
