Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize