I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
