thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
