i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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