ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
