I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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