i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
