I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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