Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize