Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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